True Love

The question has been asked for centuries: is there such a thing as "true love". Religion, especially Christianity, tells us that true love has to be real; that our heavenly father loved us so much he sent his only begotten son to die on the cross for our sins. Now, that is a completely different discussion altogether, but I suppose the principle remains the same; did God mean for each and every to one of us to fall head over heels in love with someone, and did he use the salvation plan as a basis for this? First off, allow us for a moment to take away the religious aspect of this little topic to find the true human nature lying within everyone.

Human nature is very funny and odd, at times. We realize that somewhere deep within us we all have a sense of right and wrong, good and evil, fair and unfair; there are those human beings out there, however, who either have a different sense of what is right and wrong or just do not care. Each and every individual on this planet has some sort or "moral compass" that tells us what we're doing is wrong, or that what we are doing is right of "Godly". Taking out the religious aspect only further reinforces this, because even atheists who believe in nothing have some sort of conscious.

What about the nature of love and hatred, though? Is each of us born with an innate sense of love and kinship toward our fellow man? Do we as humans have to learn to love one another? How can we even go about figuring this out? While surfing through various sites on the internet in preparation for this entry, I have found some very differing opinions on this matter, but I think ultimately what it boils down to is this: we each are born with a natural ability to love, but the way we are nurtured throughout our lives--most importantly our infant and toddler years--will have a very large impact on how we show affection or love to others, or if we even show love and affection or feel love and affection for them at all. Love is a very complex emotion, as it brings up many questions and debates and the feelings associated with love are themselves a bit odd and hard to manage at times. There is an old expression that goes "Love makes you do stupid things", and I believe this is completely true. However, we still haven't delved into the real nature of this blog entry: is there such a thing as "true love"?

I am sure many people will have differing opinions on this one, and I myself have very conflicting inner feelings over whether or not "true love" exists. I have the old "hippie" mentality in that I "love" everyone, regardless or race, sexual orientation, gender, or social class. However, I am not sure if I buy into the whole "fairy tale ending" cliche anymore. Sure, deep down I am a hopeless romantic, but at the same time I am a realist; a realist who realizes that people can be conniving back stabbers who will sell you out simply to better their own lives or careers or relationships with others; a realist who also realizes that "true love" seems to only happen in Hollywood motion pictures. So, does that mean we are all destined to go our entire lives simply thinking we are in love with someone? Since our minds are thinking we are in love anyways, does that mean we truly are in love? After all, all truth is based on perception. Question the existence of "true love", question the nature of love itself, and you may find yourself being just as cynical about romance and the entire human race as me one day.

"No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite." - Nelson Mandella

The Human Experience

So, it has been quite some time since I last posted on this blog, and I feel it necessary to inform everyone of a few things. Perhaps not 'necessary', so much as I feel that it might, at least in some way, put things into a slightly more focused perspective for anyone reading.

In the past month, I have stepped it up a notch, at least with regards to establishing myself as an independent entity outside the confines of my parents' home. While I will not and cannot say that I was brought up in a loving and caring environment (which is a completely different discussion altogether), I feel that this step into my own sense of self-identity has had a much larger impact on me that I initially expected. Sure, I knew that it was going to be a bit tough at first, and I realized that with this sort of independence comes certain obligations and responsibilities. I did not, however, expect how it would affect me. Do I miss my "old" life? Well, I am not sure I can answer that honestly by saying yes or no; the fact that I am moved out meant that originally there was something missing in my life anyways, otherwise I would not have moved out in the first place. However, I can say honestly, and I suppose this is sort of common sense here, that my "old" life was much simpler. I did not have to worry about nearly as many things and had little to no responsibilities to speak of. I am content with the life I'm leading right now though. Sure, there are days when I stop and ask "What am I doing with my life", or "What is the purpose of my life", but those are existential questions that I have been asking myself since I was twelve, so that is nothing new.

What is new (yet at the same time, not really all that new, either) is the observations and thoughts. I can now observe the world with a bit more experience under my belt. No longer do I have to say in a discussion "Which, I do still live at home with my parents...". That is what has become the most fascinating part of this whole experience for me. It's all about the "human experience", and right now I'm merely a casual observer. I have thought recently about how people simply live their entire lives as literal sheep, gobbling up anything that organized religion, or the government, or the media tells them to gobble up. They live their entire lives this way and, literally like "lambs to the slaughter", are simply staying with the flock in the hopes that one day they will reap their eternal reward in heaven. Now, I might start to unjustly incriminate myself here, but to me that seems a bit mundane doesn't it? Mundane to say the least I believe. For me, I want to enjoy this life, and the eternal one I have (if there is such a thing, of course). I cannot for the life of me understand how someone can be so content with such a mundane existence, simply because they "know" deep down that when they die they shall reap their bounties of gold in heaven. Okay, so I should be completely dull and boring here on earth, and then when I get to heaven I can be the life of the party? I apologize, but to me, I want my life to be a bit more exciting. Being a human being, especially in this day and age, is an amazing thing! I do not want to live in the same rural area my entire life; I want to explore, go on adventures, climb mountains, chase rainbows, drive Miss Daisy, and do all kinds of other interesting and exciting things before I die. I don't care about the afterlife, because I'm living my LIFE right now; I try my best not to think about death (I will admit that I am suicidal and have clinical depression, though) because I want to think about what an amazing adventure this crazy little thing called life is! I do not want to consider heaven as an option, because if I do then I will probably be content with having a mediocre existence for the rest of my life. Call me a heretic, call me secular, call me what you will; but the most amazing thing about the human experience is that we can each interpret it any way we please; I choose to want to be a wanderer, philosopher, explorer, writer, political junky, while others seem perfectly content with their mundane nine to five existence. Join me, my friends, in being the people that are deemed "crazy" but the zeitgeist, by being the revolutionaries of our generation, by being what are parents were ultimately afraid we would become: free-thinkers.

Freedom in America

I love God. I really do. The fact that I believe in God and worship one sometimes astonishes some of my more intellctual friends with whom I can serious philosophical, political, or social debates regarding anything and everything from the color of the sky to the images we see on our High Definition television sets on a daily basis. I realize that sometimes people think I am a bit odd for not being an atheist, yet at the same time my fellow "Christians" do not see eye-to-eye with me on many subjects. Often times I feel as if I have no one to turn to, no one to go to about my problems other than the Almighty because of my views and opinions. Why is this? Why is it that in our modern society Christians cannot have the same views? In my county, there are literally hundred of churches of all different denominations, and I kid you not when I say that many of them preach against the church right down the road. Why is it we feel it necessary to knock someone else's religious beliefs? Allah is essentially the same "God" as our deity, just so everyone knows. Islamic teachings often times can line up and show parallels with other western religions such as Baptist, Lutheran, etc.

One thing I disagree with the Bible on is the issue of gay marriage, and this irks and irritates many of my fellow Christians and conservative friends. Homosexuals do not "choose" to be gay no more than they choose the color of their skin or their parents. In my opinion, God makes everyone gay, or straight, or bisexual, or whatever. I cannot wake up one morning and say to myself, "Hey, I believe I'm going to be sexually attracted to guys today". According to people who say that homosexuality is a "choice", this is entirely possible. It is not possible, though. Even saying something about transexuals is apparently saying that "God made a mistake", which is again a common misconception. There have been recent scientific studies that have found that, in a sense, there can technically speaking be a "woman trapped in a man's body." This does not mean that God messed up; quite the contrary, he meant for this to happen. Why is it that Christian conservatives cannot see this?

Another thing I disagree with many other Christians on is the literal translation of the Bible. To me, the Bible is really more a guideline on how he should live our lives. For example: during antebellum America, many evangelicals used the King James Bible to not only advocate slavery, but also to say that slavery was an important part of the Christian faith. I am sorry for this, but owning another human being as property, regardless of race, gender, heritage or otherwise, is simply wrong no matter how you slice it or dice it. The fact that we are all technically "slave wages" in modern America today is also wrong. Now how is it that people during nineteenth century America could use the Bible (the King James version no less) to condone slavery. The answer is quite simple: literal translation. With literal translation Christians and atheists alike can interpret the Bible to mean anything they wish it to mean. This is a fallacy. The Bible should be used as a guideline for how we as moral upright Christians should strive to live our lives. Jonah and The Whale? Did this really happen? If it did, what bearing does it have on our modern lives? How about we look at this story as more of a "parable" and not a literal story and then apply its principles to our every day lives? There cannot be anything wrong with that, can there? The Great Flood is another example. Did the Almighty really send a flood to wipe out the entire wicked world? Could it be possible that this did not actually happen, but that God meant this story to be viewed in such a way as to show an example of what is can do to the world? Either way, the principle reamains the same.

To say that someone else is wrong with regards to their religious beliefs is judging someone, plain and simple. I cannot honestly say that God created the universe, but I can say that I believe with my whole heart he did. How is this? The answer again is much simpler than atheists and theists make it out to be: no one was actually there to witness the creation of the universe and the earth upon which we live. This much I think everyone can agree on, if they will only put away their biases momentarily. I refuse to condemn anyone for not believing the same God I believe. Why? Because it is not my place to do so. We all get judged in the end for our works here on earth, and those who deny Christ here on earth shall be denied before the Father entry into heaven. This is Biblical teaching, not my opinion. However, I cannot judge others based on their views concering religion, because by that rationale I am doing God's job for him. Is any Christian person better than God? I think most would agree that they are not, yet they continue to condemn and persecute those who beliefs differ from their own. By doing this, they are saying they are God's equal by judging someone else based on their works (or lack thereof). If someone disagrees with me about religion or God, the only thing I can do is pray for that person. Pray that what they are doing is beneficial and can gain them entry into heaven, because I wish for no person to go to hell. I will not tell them that their views are wrong, because they believe their beliefs just as strongly as I do. Who am I to say that someone else is wrong? Scientology sounds quite absurd to me; but the salvation plan also seems crazy when you stand back and look at it with a bit of objectivity. I believe in the salvation plan, however, and cannot therefore make fun of anyone else's religion because it sounds "ludicrious".

Also, we live in a free America. With the separation of church and state, that means that no one should be allowed to mock another's religious beliefs. This goes for any religious person or atheist. I love that fact that I live in a country where, if I so choose, I do not have to believe in any god. If I so choose, I can technically create my own religion, and even though I may not have any followers I would be legally and constitutionally allowed to do so. When practicing our religion, Christians need to keep that in mind. Why is prayer banned in school? Well it's simple: because it should be. A "moment of silence" in school is perfectly alright, and during this time those who do believe in God should be allowed to pray to themselves (and they are, by the way; also, there is no law against praying to yourself during class, and even if there were a law against it how would someone regulate such a law?) while those who do not believe in a god do not have to do anything. They can even remain seated and work on their classwork, if they so choose. Prayer in school should be banned because it infringes on the right to freedom of religion. As a Christian, I do not want any atheist trying to "convert" me to atheism, and I am sure many atheists share the same sentiment. Those who believe differently should not, therefore, have to be exposed to something that may tread on their beliefs. This is not a "religion" issues ladies and gentlemen; it is a "freedom" or religion issue. (or the exercise thereof).

So there you have it. A very few of my viewpoints regarding religion and God. I am not sure if anyone really cares, but here it is laid out in black and white. Perhaps I think too much about this stuff, and perhaps no one really cares; however I felt it necessary to put my thoughts onto my blog, and living in a "free" America I can do so. Thanks for reading (if anyone actually did).

Requiem

He looked out over the expansive ocean. He could feel the cool breeze whipping through his hair, could smell the ocean wafting up to him from the waves crashing against the rocks below him. He inhaled deeply and closed his eyes as he imagined all the tiny fish swimming in little school in the clear water, darting in between the crevices of the rocks and searching for food among the cresting waves. He looked down and could see the erosion on the cliff face where the waves would crest and finally break against the side of the cliff, thousands of years of erosion making the cliff face a remarkable sight to behold. This environment, this ocean, the beautiful clear blue sky, the sea gulls cawing overhead, the broad expanse of the horizon seeming to stretch on for endless miles in any direction he glanced was truly an intoxicating sight. He could feel his head starting to swim, he could sense somewhere deep within himself that what he was doing was somehow right, that it was somehow divine.

               He reached into the back pocket of his shorts and pulled out his wallet. It was made of some sort of plastic leather and had been worn over the years from constantly remaining in his back pocket. He opened up the wallet, reached in, and pulled out two crisp one hundred dollar bills, looking upon two identical solemn faces of Benjamin Franklin. The faces seemed to stare a hole right through him, and it sent a chill up his spine to look at the crisp pieces of currency for the last time. These bills were really the only paper money he had left to his name. He looked at them intently, turning each one over in his hands to examine the back of the bills. I detest and despise this symbol of the American dream, he thought to himself. Nothing matters unless you have a bank account full of these solemn looking faces of Benjamin Franklin, Ulysses S. Grant, and Andrew Jackson. I don’t understand this America I live in, and I realize that I have no desire to try and understand life in America. He crumpled the two bills up in his hands before throwing them over the cliff and into the clear waters below. He watched the ball of US currency float on the breeze and land gently in the water, where it bobbed up and down on the water before finally disappearing beneath a wave.

               He reached into his wallet again and pulled out his Social Security card, looking at the numbers on them, thinking how odd it was that in America—the land of the free and home of the brave—essentially all we were was numbers. Numbers on paper that went into our wallets to show we were citizens of this “free” country. This was again something he could not understand, and had no desire to understand. He flipped the Social Security card over in his hands and read the back of the card.

Do not laminate this card

This card is invalid if not signed by the number holder unless health or age prevents signature.

Improper use of this card and/or number by the number holder or any other person is punishable by fine, imprisonment, or both.

This card is the property of the Social Security Administration and must be returned upon request. If found, return to:

               SSA-ATTN: FOUND SSN CARD

               P.O. Box 17087 Baltimore Md. 21203

Contact your local Social Security office for any other matter regarding this card.

               Words. That’s all these things on the back of this tiny little piece of paper proving citizenship were: words. Nothing more, nothing less. What did they mean? Upon close inspection, one could find many arguments as to what these words meant. It is all based on perception, however, and for his sake, the man felt as if the words were nothing. The words meant to him absolutely nothing, and were representative of such. He did not, nor would not, understand what these words meant, or how these words on the back of his Social Security card were supposed to be representative of anything of sociopolitical importance. He ripped the card up into four equal pieces before tossing them over the cliff, watching each piece break away from one another and fly off on the breeze, fluttering on their way down before finally landing amongst the waves and rocks below him.

               After doing just these two things, he felt as if a giant rock had been lifted from his shoulders. There was one other “important” piece of material he must rid himself and the world of, however. He reached into his wallet once again and took out his “all-important-for-survival-in-this-modern-world-in-which-we-live” driver’s license, valid only in the state he was currently residing. I live in no state, other than my current state of mind, thought he. He looked carefully at his picture: deep brown eyes staring into nothingness, brown hair quaffed over to one side in the typical teenage style of the day, a blue shirt on (he could remember the shirt being an American Eagle shirt; another of those modern-day “things” we buy that really has no bearing on the person we are or the person we will one day become), a half-attempt at a goatee growing on his chin. He looked especially close at his eyes; the clichéd “windows to the soul”. If this were true, his soul was either black or non-existent. Those eyes showed a deep longing that nothing in this world could satisfy; they showed a deeper inner turmoil that was brewing right below the surface, just longing for the day when it would finally overflow and burn everything in its proximity. It was making him sick to his stomach to look upon this face. He quickly broke the card in half, folding one side toward the other until it snapped that to his ears sounded like gunshots going off in a distant wood. The snap was instant gratification that no fast food chain or microwave oven in the world could even come close to comparing. He instantly felt a light-headedness come over him, and he had to catch his footing for he almost fell off the cliff and onto the unforgiving rocks below. Not yet, he thought, we still have some more work to do first. With as much effort as a kitten yawning, he flicked the pieces of his now destroyed and useless driver’s license into the air, again watching as almost like watching the hand of God gently placing the two pieces into the clear ocean below him, before the wrath of God swallowed up the pieces among the rocks and waves.

               One more little bastard in this bizarre ritual. He reached into his wallet once more, and pulled out the Cheque Mate debit card from ORNL Federal Credit Union, powered by Visa. This little fucker hates me almost as much as I hate it. Franklin, you have nothing on this little piece of plastic. This little piece of plastic was symbolic of everything that was wrong in America today, more so than the two Benjamins he had tossed minutes ago. For this piece of plastic, he had something special in mind. It would not suffice to simply break it half and throw it into the mighty ocean. No, he had something special in mind for his precious debit card.

               He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small can of Zippo lighter fluid that he had bought a few hours ago for this special occasion (with the debit card he was holding in his left hand, no less). He flicked the top and brought it to his nose, savoring the smell of the flammable substance. He knelt down and placed the debit card in a crevice upon the cliff. Atop the cliff, it looked as if many a person had enjoyed this view before him, as there was a smooth and somewhat circular hole dug into the ground. He placed the piece of plastic into the dugout, face side up. He then proceeded to generously douse the front of the card with the lighter fluid, causing the card to take on a somewhat milky looking substance. He could see the fumes from the fluid rising into the air and being carried away from him on the breeze. After he had doused the front, he felt it entirely necessary to turn the card over and douse the backside of the card with the flammable liquid. He picked up the card with his index finger and thumb, careful to grab it from only corner so as not to get too much of the fluid on his hands. He quickly flipped the card over onto its reverse side, the side with the black electromagnetic strip with which every time a card machine scanned another dollar was taken away from your bank account.

               As he started the ritual once more on this side, he could feel sweat beading on his brow and rolling down his arms. He could feel the back of his neck beginning to perspire. He could sense that his eyes were becoming dilated as his heartbeat started to pick up its rhythmic pace until it was beating so loudly and so heavily that with each thud he could feel his pulse in his temple and could hear the whooshing of blood in his ears. The tips of his ears started to burn as his heart picked up speed, and he could feel a slight twinge in his testicular region, a slight hardening of his flaccid member. The thrill of what he was about to do was somehow causing his adrenaline to kick in, his adrenal gland pumping the substance to every muscle in his body, preparing it to either flee or fight. Once he had soaked the card thoroughly and there was a tiny puddle in the hole where the card lay, he threw the empty Zippo lighter fluid container over the cliff and into the ocean, hearing it faintly splash into the water even over the roar of the waves and the wisp of the breeze. The man reached into his pocket once more and fished out an old Bic lighter. It had a peace sign on it in neon white, with a black background. He flicked the Bic and watched with something akin to amazement and bordering on terror in his eyes, the flame flickering in the gentle breeze. He knelt down once more and touched the flame ever so gently to the pool of lighter fluid.

               In an instant, the entire tiny hole was engulfed in flames. The card disappeared amongst the dancing fire for a moment, and then he could clearly see the plastic melting and sticking to the rocky surface. It smelled both awful and amazing, as he inhaled deeply the smell of burning plastic and dirt. “I believe I’ve never smelled anything quite so heavenly,” he said aloud, speaking to no one except the voices inside his own head, the ocean, the breeze, the fire, and the God-awful piece of plastic that now no longer resembled a debit card at all. He was not sure if he had actually spoken or had only imagined himself speaking. Perhaps, he thought to himself, God Himself was speaking of this wonderful aroma emanating from this unholy piece of plastic, the symbol of which is greed and sin. He allowed himself to think that God had just spoken through him.

               He sat there for nearly ten minutes until the flames died down. The card no longer resembled anything. It looked like a piece of tar that one might use to patch a pothole in a parking lot or something. He picked up the still red hot mess of plastic, reveling in the pain that the burning heap caused in the tips of his fingers, blistering them. With a lunge, he threw the heap of unidentifiable plastic into the ocean. “Fuck your money, fuck your systems, fuck your banks!” he screamed as the tossed the mess. He stood there momentarily, hair in disarray, his breathing erratic, his eyes wild and flashing. He felt so much anger deep within him, yet at the same time he felt completely at peace. It was a wonderful and awful feeling, which made him both sick to his stomach and feeling higher than any drug could make him feel. His hands were clenched into fists at his sides, and his teeth were clamped together, spittle flying from in between them every now and again from his erratic breathing. His heart was beating so fast now that under other “normal” circumstances he may have feared he was going to have a heart attack. His penis had become completely engorged with blood, and was causing the khaki shorts to tent slightly in the front. His penis felt as if it were on fire, burning with boiling blood that was coursing through his veins. He felt so exhilarated, so alive. It was as if he were the only living creature on this God forsaken planet, and nothing else mattered.

               After a moment or two, he sat down. He sat there a long time, spaced out, thinking of nothing and looking at nothing. He reached into his pocket once more and pulled out his trusty pack of full-flavored Marlboros. He flipped the top and looked to see that he still had seven cigarettes left. One for each day of the week. Right right? He took one out and placed the golden-brown filter into his mouth. Fishing into his pocket yet again, he found the peace-sign-embroidered Bic lighter and lit the end of the cigarette, drawing in the lovely and injurious tars and resins into his lungs. He had his feet bent at the knee, and he rested his arm on his knee, flicking the cherry off the end of the cigarette while letting the smoke out of his lungs. He watched with amazement as the smoke drifted toward the sky in a cumulus-like cloud of puffy wonder. He took another drag off the Marlboro, this time watching the tobacco burn the paper as he inhaled the smoke into his lungs. It never ceased to amaze him for some reason. The cigarette was representative of everything both wrong and right with the world, in his mind anyways. He allowed his mind to momentarily drift back to a time when his mother had caught him smoking. Smoking will kill you! You’ll go the same way as your papaw! He died right outside the hospital where he’d been for several weeks after his heart attack, and you know what? He had gone outside to have a cigarette! Your papaw literally died with a cigarette hanging out his mouth! That’s how bad that stuff is for you!

               He could hear his mother’s words as if she were sitting right there yelling at him for his newfound vice. That was ten years ago though, and his mother had long since died in a car crash. His mother’s boyfriend had been drinking, it was wet out, and he had slid off the road into a deep ravine where their car had flipped several times. His mother, the doctors had told him, probably died before the first flip. She had more than likely died whenever they first slid off the road, where the severe skidding had given her whiplash. He always figured they had simply told him that to make him feel better. He always imagined that she had died burning to death at the bottom of the ravine, screaming for help as the fire licked at her skin and melted it away. Her boyfriend—fortunately for the drunken fuck face—had been thrown from the car because he wasn’t wearing his seatbelt. He had always felt it was ironic that his mother was wearing a seatbelt and had not been drinking, yet she was the one who died. Sometimes, life makes about as much sense as death.

               He snapped back to the present time as he finished his Marlboro. He flicked the filter into the ocean and stood up. He realized he had left his wallet laying on the ground. He picked it up and surveyed once more. He pulled out a plethora of movie ticket stubs (one for a midnight showing of Fight Club, one for A Clockwork Orange, one for a midnight showing of Rocky Horror Picture Show, and countless others) and flung them nonchalantly into the breeze, watching them flutter about, some of them landing on the top of the cliff and some of them making their way into the water below. He pulled out his Food City ValuCard and tossed it into the ocean. He pulled out several business cards ranging from professional wrestling trainers all the way to neatly printed cards from the bank and tossed them into the ocean. Then he pulled something out that made his heart momentarily skip a beat. It was a picture of him, his deceased mother, and her boyfriend when he was a young lad. They all looked so happy smiling goofily into the camera. This was before the boyfriend has picked up a taste for exotic booze and cheap cigars. This was a period in time before the yelling, fussing, fighting, and arguing that would become a staple in his adolescent years. This picture seemed as if it were from another lifetime altogether; it was as if he had switched bodies with someone suddenly in his teenage years. A single tear rolled down his recently-shaven cheek, before he tossed it into the ocean, as well.

               Now there was nothing left in the wallet. He had used the only prophylactic that was in it the previous night when he had picked up a hooker. Two hundred dollars and he did everything to this prostitute, including a little backdoor action that he had missed out on during high school and had yet to venture into during his college years. He ripped the cheaply made wallet down the center where it creased, and tossed each individual section of the wallet over the cliff and watched it sink into the water. That’s that, he thought to himself. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the keys to his 1992 Buick Century Custom, which was itself parked about two miles down the path leading up to this cliff. He tossed them over the cliff and watched them land amongst the rocks below. He did the same thing with the few coins that were in his pocket (two quarters, a dime, a nickel, and three pennies), and he even thought he could hear them clang against the rocks even over the roaring of the waves and the whooshing of the wind around him. He pulled out his pack of cigarettes and lighter, the only things that were now left in his pockets. He realized he had six cigarettes left, and threw all but two of them into the ocean. He could not understand why he kept two of the Marlboros, but he immediately lit up another cigarette while he was contemplating his next action.

               He inched his way closer to the edge of the cliff. Once more, he was completely enthralled and taken aback at the beautiful sight before him. It was nothing short of perfect, and to him it was more than perfect. It was positively and utterly divine. Looking out over this beautiful landscape was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. He felt it was completely right that this would be the last visions he had in his mind’s eye; he loved the thought that the smell of the sea would be the last smell to enter his nostrils; he adored the thought that the seagulls cawing overhead, the crashing of the waves against the cliff face, and the gentle whip whap of the wind would be the last things his ears would hear. It was a glorious sight, made even better by the cigarette hanging limply out the corner of his mouth. Yes, the cigarette. The wonderful tobacco smoke somehow brought this entire picture together with more clarity. The nicotine buzz he was feeling right now, combined with the high he was feeling from this breathtaking view, was better than any drunkenness from the finest wines, was better than the highs from weed, LSD, cocaine, and heroin combined.  He was reeling from the pleasure that was taking away his pain, when finally he leapt off the surface, his feet pushing hard against ground as his body was propelled from the safe confines of earth. He leapt with all his might, tensing every muscle in his body and charging from the cliff ten feet from the earth.

               On his way down, everything seemed to be going in slow motion. It was as if he had taken three drops of acid and his mind was riding high. He could see the rocks getting closer with each passing millisecond; he could hear the wind getting louder in his ears as he picked up speed. He felt no fear, he felt no pain. For the first time in his life, he felt absolutely no pain whatsoever. He realized that tears were streaming out of his eyes and flying up behind him. These tears were the happiest tears he had ever shed. He could hear himself laughing from somewhere, but he was not entirely sure if it was his mouth making the sounds or his mind. He was laughing, crying, and his erection had returned. He somehow noticed that he had came, as there was a large stain on the front of his shorts. He thought of every time he had masturbated or had sex, and this was the best orgasm of them all. This orgasm was better than making love while tripping on the strongest and most pure form of ecstasy. This orgasm was so powerful his head was swimming. He felt so alive at this moment. He was invincible. Right before he crashed into the rocks, he realized that he still had the Marlboro hanging out the corner of his mouth.

Clear and blue as the spring skies
On the sunniest of days
And when I see those beautiful eyes
It makes me wish and pray

That someday soon I
May be able to say
I love to look into your eyes
They take my breath away

And if in darkness I
Were to somehow to see your face
I think that seeing your eyes
Could bring me out of that darkest place

For when I look into those eyes
I see something innocent and sweet
It makes me think that somehow I
Can sweep her off her tender feet

I shall have to stop when I
Realize that she's not for me
But I'll still look into those eyes
And think someday, with those eyes she'll see

????

Rape
The Ape
And the Grape
Lets the Nape
of your Neck
What the Heck
Holy hell!
Inside my shell
Nevermore!
What a bore!
Cobain
Shit stain
Peter Griffin
Never living
Always dying
And we're trying
To move on
Get on
The plane
No Snakes
Mistakes
Terror
Rakes
At your eyes
In disguise
In this guy's
Holy hair
It's not fair
Burnt and gone
Not fun
X Files
Lived a while
Now they dead
In my head
No more shit
Live on life
Die on death
Enough said
Give me head
Lice
Rice
Chinese
Pretty please
Save our jobs
Steve Jobs
I-Pad
Maxi-Pad
Mini-Coop
Front stoop
Evicted
Go to hell
First hell
Butt rape
Inmate
Too late
To say sorry


Everything is complex
It all revolves around sex
Everything is complex
No one cares
About your duplex

Hate
The eight
And the ninth
Wonders
They wrestled
And tussled
And bustled
And hustled
Got they green
They're mean
Know what I mean?
I'm obscene
Start a scene
Up scene
Mean green
Gene Okerlund
It's not fun
When you're Cher
And hafta share
With Sonny
Snot funny
Who died?
Got fried?
Millie lied
Ice is back
Flow is whack
Sit back
Shady knows
He can't go
Can't flow
Can't show
Up in public
People love it
When he curse
And he's worse
Than Body Count
T sold out
Law and Order
Guard the border
Lower gas
Bill pass
Obama rots
Bush snots
McCain ODs
GOP
President!


Everything is complex
It all revolves around sex
Everything is complex
No one cares
About your duplex

Holy Crap
Gonna Snap
On your ass
Think I'll pass
Like Jordan
And Wade
LeBron
Upon
Your pedastal
So what?
Who gives a shit
Throw a fit
And you're on TV
Look at me
I'm insane
It's all a game
Not fair!
I live there
Not here
In my mind
Doing time
In the space
Of the race
Between you and me
Can't you see?
See what?
So what?
Know what?
No, what?
Biggie's shot.
Pac's dead
Fifty's lying
In his bed
Pool of blood
Puddle of Mudd
Paul Rudd
Steve Carell
Kim Catrell
In my city
It's a pity
No one loves
Only hates
Date rape
Chili Peppers
Jay-Z
No X
Gen for me
Born today
Dead at night
From fright
In the dark
We all the same
Don't cry
Your name
In the song
It's wrong
To put here
Who cares?
You cares?
I don't
I won't
I shan't
I can't
Disbelieve
Bite me

Everything is complex
It all revolves around sex
Everything is complex
No one cares
About your duplex

Repentance

I saw you there gently weeping
'Neath the willows and in gentle the gentle breeze
While you sat there nearly sleeping
I sat down upon my knees

I prayed never-ending for your repentance given
While you wondered long and deep
But merely to say you are forgiven
Is much easier when you're asleep

When you wake you shall see yourself crying
'Neath the willows and in the gentle breeze
While slowly and slowly you are dying
Yet still shall I sit upon my knees

And hope against hope that you hear my call
In the midst of you tribulations
Before you reach your final fall
In what you feel is your final revelations

Once more you see me, yet you deny me
In front of those whom you think care
But not much longer will sympathy pry me
To do my duty and attempt to be fair

For I am merciful and kind
Yet am I also sadistic
When you realize in sight you look hind
That all my patience, you have missed it

Pray more
Linger less
Stay for
Common sense

Stay here
Far behind
I'll come later
For mine own kind