Right off a cliff

How would you like your suicide to take place? Many people claim they wish to die, but have you actually sat and thought about the "perfect suicide"? Perfect based on your perceptions and opinions, of course. If you haven't then I would imagine this article will probably not be for you, because we are going to discuss suicide.

For those of you who do have wonderful lives and are not depressed all the time because of your menial existence, then good for you. I am very proud of you, as I wish to one day become this same type of person. I wish I could be "normal" like you, and enjoy a nice sunset completely sober without wishing what that particular sunset would look like with my eyes rolling into the back of my head, eyes already starting to bulge from lack of oxygen. I can imagine my brain and the rest of my other vital organs all gradually going to sleep and shutting off for the final time. I sometimes sit and ponder what it would be like to imagine drawing air into my lungs for the final time, before I let out my final eternal breath.

Then beyond that? What lies beyond the unknown? Let's be honest for a moment here: we can all talk a big game when it comes to how big and bad our religion is, but in the end none of us knows for certain, beyond a shadow of a doubt, what happens to you once you're no longer alive. I mean, is my life really so pathetic and depressing that I would be willing to stake those odds, be willing to tread the waters of that particular abyss? What lies beyond our mortality? Shall I forever live in infamy? There are several questions that can haunt the person who is contemplating suicide, but one of the biggest problems I have found with most who are suicidal is they aren't open enough about it. Do I think about suicide? The thought of death creeps into my head on an almost daily basis. Does that mean I am going to commit suicide? Well, as of right now I cannot answer that one for sure. I can tell you that I have contemplated quite a bit, and for quite some time. Perhaps I am just waiting for the right moment; perhaps I've just been too busy here recently to bother with petty, nonsensical thoughts that in the end don't really change the direction of my day anyways.

So why aren't people more open about their suicidal thoughts and tendencies? Why is it that those with clinical depression feel ostracized from the rest of society? Is it that we merely glance around and observe happy people going on about their daily struggle, putting their proverbial "nose" to the old grindstone, and we don't want to feel "abnormal"? It can't be that, because when a normal person looks around they see something very similar to hatred, distress, corruption, violence, misogyny, racism, war, etc. The clinically depressed mind views these exact same things, albeit in probably a much different way. We realize that we aren't the only ones out there in mental or emotional distress. We realize all the terrible happenings going on in the world. Perhaps that's why we don't talk about our death wishes: we feel that talking about it while everyone else is going through the same thing makes us sound too damn "whiny" or immature, therefore we prefer to keep our thoughts to ourselves. Maybe it could be that we don't wish to feel more ostracized from society than we already are. Maybe we feel that deep down, if we only speak about suicide and never actually come up with a plan, people won't take us seriously. A metaphorical "boy who cried wolf" kind of incident.

Regardless of the reasons, many people do not wish to speak openly about their depressed feelings, or why they no longer wish to live. Society has deemed people who think about the morbid as "abnormal", and there isn't much that's going to change that. The facts are, though, that many Americans suffer from clinical depression or bipolar disorder. Could this be the government's way of trying to brainwash us? We'll get into that in another article, but facts are still facts, and science is still science; Americans have depression problems.

So if so many people are depressed and thinking the same suicidal thoughts that you are thinking if you have contemplated suicide, then why aren't more people openly expressing their feelings and emotions? Deep down, we all still feel abnormal and self-conscious about these thoughts, no matter how "normal" they feel to us. This is why people do not want to speak openly about it, more than likely anyways.

But I want to challenge you to think about it more often. Question whether or not suicide would actually be a good idea. Write something down to express how you're feeling whenever you get into those "weird" moods that we've all been through. Are you not sure you have clinical depression? Why not consult a professional? But before all that, be open about your thoughts. I myself have a hard time saying anything "seriously" about clinical depression or suicide around people I'm not very comfortable with, but with my close friends I am most definitely open about my tendencies and thoughts. One thing I found that helped me was to write out my "perfect" suicide. If you wish to read that particular story, read "Requiem" on my page. Right off a cliff, that's how I wish to die. Hearing the wind whipping through my hair, witnessing the beauty of nature right before I take my final breath, I feel it would be a euphoria that nothing could compare to. Envisioning it in my own head gives me goosebumps. My perfect suicide...requiem.

I challenge each of you to think about a "perfect storm" of sorts. A beauty so grand and wonderful to you that nothing else can compare; no euphoria from the strongest of drugs, or the buzz of some of the finest wine could compare to this beautiful portrait in your mind. This is where it should take place for you...if thinking about it gives you goosebumps, you've probably envisioned your "perfect suicide". Now, write it down; it helps for the sake of your sanity and well-being.