So, it has been quite some time since I last posted on this blog, and I feel it necessary to inform everyone of a few things. Perhaps not 'necessary', so much as I feel that it might, at least in some way, put things into a slightly more focused perspective for anyone reading.
In the past month, I have stepped it up a notch, at least with regards to establishing myself as an independent entity outside the confines of my parents' home. While I will not and cannot say that I was brought up in a loving and caring environment (which is a completely different discussion altogether), I feel that this step into my own sense of self-identity has had a much larger impact on me that I initially expected. Sure, I knew that it was going to be a bit tough at first, and I realized that with this sort of independence comes certain obligations and responsibilities. I did not, however, expect how it would affect me. Do I miss my "old" life? Well, I am not sure I can answer that honestly by saying yes or no; the fact that I am moved out meant that originally there was something missing in my life anyways, otherwise I would not have moved out in the first place. However, I can say honestly, and I suppose this is sort of common sense here, that my "old" life was much simpler. I did not have to worry about nearly as many things and had little to no responsibilities to speak of. I am content with the life I'm leading right now though. Sure, there are days when I stop and ask "What am I doing with my life", or "What is the purpose of my life", but those are existential questions that I have been asking myself since I was twelve, so that is nothing new.
What is new (yet at the same time, not really all that new, either) is the observations and thoughts. I can now observe the world with a bit more experience under my belt. No longer do I have to say in a discussion "Which, I do still live at home with my parents...". That is what has become the most fascinating part of this whole experience for me. It's all about the "human experience", and right now I'm merely a casual observer. I have thought recently about how people simply live their entire lives as literal sheep, gobbling up anything that organized religion, or the government, or the media tells them to gobble up. They live their entire lives this way and, literally like "lambs to the slaughter", are simply staying with the flock in the hopes that one day they will reap their eternal reward in heaven. Now, I might start to unjustly incriminate myself here, but to me that seems a bit mundane doesn't it? Mundane to say the least I believe. For me, I want to enjoy this life, and the eternal one I have (if there is such a thing, of course). I cannot for the life of me understand how someone can be so content with such a mundane existence, simply because they "know" deep down that when they die they shall reap their bounties of gold in heaven. Okay, so I should be completely dull and boring here on earth, and then when I get to heaven I can be the life of the party? I apologize, but to me, I want my life to be a bit more exciting. Being a human being, especially in this day and age, is an amazing thing! I do not want to live in the same rural area my entire life; I want to explore, go on adventures, climb mountains, chase rainbows, drive Miss Daisy, and do all kinds of other interesting and exciting things before I die. I don't care about the afterlife, because I'm living my LIFE right now; I try my best not to think about death (I will admit that I am suicidal and have clinical depression, though) because I want to think about what an amazing adventure this crazy little thing called life is! I do not want to consider heaven as an option, because if I do then I will probably be content with having a mediocre existence for the rest of my life. Call me a heretic, call me secular, call me what you will; but the most amazing thing about the human experience is that we can each interpret it any way we please; I choose to want to be a wanderer, philosopher, explorer, writer, political junky, while others seem perfectly content with their mundane nine to five existence. Join me, my friends, in being the people that are deemed "crazy" but the zeitgeist, by being the revolutionaries of our generation, by being what are parents were ultimately afraid we would become: free-thinkers.
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